Part 2 of 4 Coming Out – Social Media: Helpful or Harmful for LGBTQ Community?
Social media can play an important role in not only an LGBTQ person’s self-discovery, but also in their coming out. According to a study conducted by Tinder in 2019, 75% of the Gen Z respondents said they came out on social media. Alternately, the study showed that about one in three LGBTQ individuals older than Gen Z never formally came out.
While I felt it was important to come out to my family and closest friends in person, I also found social media to be important later in the process. Even after I was out to people close to me, I felt like I had to hide who I was in public. If I dressed in a way that I felt expressed my queerness, it felt great—until I stepped outside. I started to feel like I had a huge target on my back that said “gay.”
Coming out online—specifically through Instagram—helped me feel like I was owning who I was in front of the world. It was a tangible way to step out and say, “This is who I am and I’m not ashamed of that.” Taking this step helped me feel less like I had to hide in public. It served as a reminder to myself and others that this is who I am and it’s something to celebrate.
Cira, a Gen Z nonbinary lesbian, said social media has been a great way to come out. They used Instagram to come out as a lesbian, and they came out as nonbinary to some friends on Discord. They added that they did a photoshoot with their nonbinary flag recently and plan to post that on Instagram when they are comfortable with coming out more publicly.
On the other hand, Kevin, who is a millennial, was in college when Facebook was becoming popular. He chose not to use the platform to come out as gay.
“Coming out for me was not over social media,” he said. “I came out slowly to one person at a time and was not fully out to personal connections until 2010.”
Social media is a lot more than a place to come out, though. In a parenting article for The Washington Post, writer Amber Leventry says that the internet can provide resources for LGBTQ kids that they may not have access to in real life. It can also provide them with the representation we often don’t see in mainstream media.
When I was working to accept myself, talking to other LGBTQ people on the internet was vital. I stayed up late at night, watching YouTube videos of people coming out and explaining their process of figuring out their identity. It was reassuring and encouraging to see so many other people putting my feelings into words.
Cira said seeing other queer people on social media helped validate the fact that there was nothing wrong with them. They used the Amino app to find LGBTQ friends, and they’ve found community and a sense of belonging through following many LGBTQ people on Instagram. Additionally, they’ve found a lot of support through The Trevor Project.
“I don’t know if I’d be here today if I hadn’t been able to call them,” they said.
While social media wasn’t a place where Kevin wanted to come out, he did use it to find friends.
“Making gay friends really helped with finding some close friends and just making those years slightly happier,” he said.
Sebastian, a 20-year-old gay trans man, said social media was a good way to see others like him and feel like he wasn’t alone. He said social media helped him to “not be afraid to be proud” of who he was.
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“It’s also helped me connect to groups that promote love and community,” he added.
An anonymous 21-year-old Twitter user said social media has had a big influence on her experience as a queer woman, especially as a person of faith.
“Through folks on Twitter, I learned about the toxicity of un-affirming theology,” she said. “On Instagram, I can see queer people living beautiful, free lives as themselves. Long before I experienced affirmation in face-to-face contexts, I had support on social media.”
While there are a lot of benefits to using social media as a queer person, it can also be a dark place. As I was learning more about who I was, I commented on a YouTube video of someone talking about their experience as a bisexual Christian. The video had been incredibly uplifting for me and reassuring that I was allowed to be gay. However, the comments I received in response were hateful. I was told I was an abomination and that being gay would send me to hell.
Additionally, social media sometimes provides a platform for dangerous organizations such as groups promoting conversion therapy. I have seen many individuals speaking out against these practices. While this is encouraging, it also causes me a lot of pain that it even needs to be said.
Grace, an 18-year-old bisexual woman, said she tends to keep discussions of her sexuality off of social media because of the anonymity of the internet.
“I don’t think it’s the best place for members who are a part of the LGBTQ community to come out just because everyone can say what they want,” she said. “They have no fear of repercussions.”
Overall, social media is a good place to connect, especially in groups meant for LGBTQ people. As with anything in life, you should exercise caution when using it, as there are many hateful people who like to hide behind the screen. However, that shouldn’t stop you from being able to find an online community that has your back.
Still not ready to come out? That’s okay! In the next article, we’ll discuss common things that prevent people from feeling comfortable with coming out.
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