The drag queen beef was so gag-worthy in episode five
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RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 9 powers on in all its non-elimination glory with episode five: the queens have a property comedy challenge, Roxxxy Andrews gets so emotional, baby and Angeria Paris VanMicheals is mad as hell.
With eight queens back for another shot at the crown and a spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame, Angeria Paris VanMicheals, Gottmik, Jorgeous, Nina West, Plastique Tiara, Roxxxy Andrews, and Vanessa Vanjie Mateo have reached episode five of All Stars 9.
After a teaser clued fans in on the ever-increasing tension between Roxxxy and Angeria (after the former blocked the latter for the second time this season in episode four), the queens are tasked with selling different properties in a comedy challenge.
RuPaul struts her stuff with the Teletubbies
Proving once again that Drag Race is a fever dream sometimes, episode five of All Stars 9 saw the Teletubbies – yes, the actual Teletubbies – appear to dance with the queens during a Werk Room mini challenge.
As if that wasn’t enough, the Teletubbies truly teleported us to Mars when RuPaul herself strutted down the runway to her song “Smile”. Because, why not?
Vanjie and Roxxxy have a Werk Room spat
Plastique and Roxxxy were both in charge of flogging real estate in Texas, as hillbillies, while Vanjie and Angie (love the group name), had to market the Florida swamp – with the groups’ characters being very similar.
While in the Werk Room, Vanjie overheard Roxxxy and Plastique discussing that topic exactly – and bit the bait, asking what the pair were talking about.
After Roxxxy pretended that they were just talking about “Florida”, the episode cut to the confessional booth, where Vanjie said: “Here go Roxxxy with the undercover shade! Girl, f**k that.”
Roxxxy then admonished Vanjie when the pair were painting next to each other, telling her that she should know the season five queen better!
“I’m not here to do that sh*t. You should know better. It is what it is” Gag.
Gottmik and Plastique burn the runway
Category is ‘Day-to-Night Ruveal’ on the runway and fashion titans Gottmik and Plastique Tiara – who both won the season’s Ball Challenge, with the former’s runway the next episode being so fierce that it angered conservatives including Megyn Kelly – have continued to march into the Drag Race herstory books.
Plastique’s resplendent purple day look as a “glamorous geisha” revealed into a Chromatica samurai complete with swords and metal bodywork. Props to the editors for the sword sound effects.
Gottmik, meanwhile, gave business man in the front, and full silk pink lingerie in the back – the true definition of versatility. It’s never been clearer that the queens (allegedly) received some monetary assistance for their runways.
Roxxxy gives us TV gold during Ruby Snippers meltdown
Is anyone surprised that Ms. Roxxxy Andrews, Tasha Salad herelf, is giving us TV gold? No. But she surely is.
The queens were selected as the top two for the week, both snatching another Benefactress Badge and lipsyncing to Nicki Minaj’s “Super Freaky Girl” in the Battle of the Dolls.
After Roxxxy was announced as the winner (and now frontrunner, with three badges), she decided to take a more abstract approach in choosing who to ‘cut off’ – i.e. block from receiving a badge next week.
By that, we mean she turned around, faced the back of the stage, moving along the line to decide who to snip, so she couldn’t actually see them. Which worked until she turned around behind Angeria – for her third week out of five.
After doing so, Roxxxy had a fully fledged breakdown in deciding who to cut. “Whatever I do, somebody’s gonna be mad,” she said. “I’m sorry; just because of badges, I’ll pick Mik.” And then Roxxxy bursts into tears. Kind of iconic if you ask us.
Angeria Paris VanMicheals masters the face crack, Jorgeous cries and Plastique fails to read the room in the most chaotic finale to a Drag Race episode yet
Termed by one X user as “the most chaotic last 5 minutes of episode in Drag Race history”, the final moments of All Stars 9, episode five truly went west.
After Roxxxy turned around and realized she accidentally cut off Angeria, she had her breakdown – but Angeria’s face was like Jan, Loosey, and Q’s face cracks combined. One for the meme encyclopedias.
Jorgeous also burst into tears during critiques, telling the judges she felt like she was letting them down and getting another ‘born to do drag’ speech from Ru.
And in the funniest moment of the episode, Plastique started dancing on her podium in the background during Roxxxy’s meltdown while the rest of the queens absolutely fell out at the drama unfurling before them. Truly iconic.
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RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 9
